Origin: posted by Bella L to the original La Bella Journeys on 11/25/2014


“So much pain… my heart feels wounded and I’m not even there. My soul burns.”

Those were my thoughts as I snuggled up to my husband last night and mulled over what was happening in Ferguson, MO. 

I’ve thought long and hard about what I want to “contribute” to this dialogue, mass media barrage, this unrest that is burning across America. How will I choose to respond to the burning and gaping holes in the hearts of my peers, my friends, my family, my neighbors, my fellow followers of Christ? 

I could respond by justifying. I could try to justify the riots, the burning police cars, the decision made by the jury, the white folk, the black folk, Darren Wilson, or Mike Brown. I could respond by spewing out all of the negativity I feel, word vomiting, not taking time to process or grieve. I could have done a myriad of things- like turn off the live stream after I heard the decision. 
I could have chosen to completely ignore it.

Instead, I’ve decided to take a moment of silence. I took some time this morning to quiet myself after reading, re-reading, and re-reading again the story, not of the Grand Jury, but that of the ‘Good Samaritan’.
Then Jesus answered and said: “A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a certain priest came down that road. And when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. Likewise a Levite, when he arrived at the place, came and looked, and passed by on the other side. But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was. And when he saw him, he had compassion. So he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. On the next day, when he departed, he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said to him, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I come again, I will repay you.’
 I pray that we are not likened to the lawyer in this story, but the Samaritan- each and everyday, but especially in light of last nights events and in the days and events to come.


I’m hesitant to post my personal opinion in this piece, though I know with that comes the backlash of those saying I am not “using my voice”. I assure you, I wish to use my voice- but I wish to use my best voice, and for it to actually help make a difference! I don’t want to just be added to the cacophony of social media that is blaring its way through with strong words and no action.

Its hard to even describe my feelings surrounding the events in Ferguson, and therefore I am not sure that my opinion is 100% concrete. I have found myself reaching for the words of others to help explain my thoughts… a good friend put it this way:

“Look, let’s be 100 about this, none of us really know what happened in ferguson on that hot August day. The verdict doesn’t tell me anything and the fact that people keep throwing the “facts” bs narrative around doesn’t negate the FACT that more than 5 centuries of total dehumanization and oppression of an entire race of people based upon arbitrary physical characteristics, happened. The West set up systems to favor themselves at every angle and facet of civilization. Due to these systems, massive and unmatched atrocities have and still occur. It is very likely that everything we have been told about this case and the events that occurred on that August day are all well constructed lies. It wouldn’t be the first time. That being said, it is also very possible that Wilson was forced to respond to Brown with deadly force for whatever reason. Did he have to shoot him as many times as he did, absolutely not. Did Wilson have to shoot Brown in the places that he shot him, once again, absolutely not. All in all I smell racism but let’s not completely close our minds and write off evidence. This world is disgusting and in my eyes, racism is one of the most deadly manifestations of sin in the world. We need to pray for both the Wilson and the Brown families right now. Stop the violence.”- Mosi Tibbs



Like much of Black America, I was not surprised at the decision the Grand Jury made to NOT indict officer Wilson. Does anyone remember what happened with the Trayvon Martin case? Though the cases are different and that particular case actually went a lot further through the court system, Zimmerman was ultimately let go… until a later altercation with his wife led to him going to prison for something else entirely. Zimmermans wife than spoke out against her own ex husband.

Like Mosi said, we weren’t there. We cannot and will not ever know 100% what happened the day that Brown was shot by officer Wilson. It is possible that the Grand Jury really did their best to check out the facts and that they found there was not enough evidence to indict Wilson. As much as I don’t want to believe it, this could very well be one of the very few cases where a young black man being shot wasn’t completely in the wrong. I don’t know…. God is the weigh-er of all of our hears. I don’t want for that to be the case! So many- too many innocent men and teens of color die at the hands of an unjust legal system. I, like so much of America, had hoped that this case would be a turning point, a small victory.

Does that mean I believe it is wrong to feel all this anger, bubbling wounds, and to speak out? No, I don’t. from my observations, this case became less and less about justice for Mike Brown, and instead became the most recent second major symbol for what has been plaguing The United States of America for years: An extremely broken justice system fed by a continually racist society. 

This is where my concern from last night started to crop up… If this became more and more about a deeper issue than Mike Brown, than this was becoming more and more of a deeper issue than Darren Wilson. It was becoming a way to satisfy our need for victory, a band-aid if you will, over the gaping wound that has been afflicting us. And last night I feared that it was becoming a blood lust. 


To quote President Obama:
 “We need to recognize that this is not just an issue for Ferguson. This is an issue for America.”

More than anything, my heart goes out to the Brown family. The riots upset me, and so did all of the white people saying ‘I told you so’ on social media. All I could think was “Let us not bring dishonor or shame on this family, by mindless action and inconsiderate voices, regardless of what position or opinion we take on the matter.” Michael Brown was somebodies family, regardless of what you believe about the issue.

I feel for them…Especially his mother. She lost her son. That is something I am increasingly afraid of, as I grow older and as violence from law enforcement seems to be growing worse and worse towards men of color. This could happen to my husband. This could happen to my brothers. This could one day happen to my own children. I cannot imagine the pain they must feel, as this has been a grief that has been dragged out for so long… and the one who killed her son is going free. That wound is compounded by the hope that so many people had that this would be a victory for black america, and will take a very long time to heal… if it ever does.

So what can I do? What do we do now as fellow advocates, people of color, and as the church? 

I’m not sure that I have a concrete clear cut answer for that, as I am trying my best to figure it out myself… But I know this: Jesus would not stand silently by the wayside, or turn a blind eye on these events or this issue. Jesus would LOVE those with their snarky white supremacist comments as much as He would LOVE those who are hurting and broken. 

I can use my voice to let the world know I have a little love given to me from Jesus. I can use my voice to share my pains, fears, and discomfort with this decision that was announced, and the rise in these crazy statistics. I can continue to advocate for those who are marginalized and oppressed by the chains of racism and racial injustice. I can PRAY and continue to believe that my God is a God of healing, wholeness, and justice. I can and will continue to write on this blog, And I can continue to listen to understand, and be a positive voice in this dialogue. This is another chance we have to change, regardless of racial makeup- we can all do these things. Let us love one another to healing.



Keep an eye out for my open letter to the Brown family. Sending my prayers their way.