*Photo by Maria Oswalt on Unsplash*

Did you read the title?

Go back- read it again.

I don’t think many are even willing to acknowledge this question, much less actually think about it. Truth be told, I am writing a post that I’m not even sure I am ready for myself…. not even sure if I am able and ready to express. Buckle up, this is probably gonna get messy.

I write this while listening to my “Surviving 2020 playlist” on shuffle via apple music.
It is full of songs like
“Burial” by Seinabo Sey,
“The Lord Is Coming” by H.E.R.,
“Its Ok To Be Black 2.0” by Jac Ross,
& “People of the World” by Andre Henry.
(Click links for YouTube content)

I’m still trying to process the news that has come out about Breonna Taylor’s case…. I’m assuming by now almost all of you have heard the news:

Only 1 police officer (of multiple) is even being charged, and the charge is so incredibly minimal- “Wanton Endangerment” for shooting bullets through the wall into her neighbors home.

He was only charged for the bullets that missed Breonna’s very beautiful, very black, and very human flesh…

Flesh that carried life- that carried the imago dei.

He was only charged for the bullets that could have potentially harmed her white neighbors….

For the bullets that pierced a wall built with material things.

For the bullets that did not have a name.

The system deemed Breonna Taylor’s name wasn’t even worthy of being mentioned in the charge report by our legal system- she wasn’t even given that amount of dignity within this so called attempt at justice.

Once again America has proven that she does indeed see color, color coding her black citizens as worth next to nothing and to be kept anything but safe. This racist meat grinding machine that the United States refers to (with overly swollen tongue firmly stuffed into cheek) as our “justice system”, has affirmed again that black women can be legally killed! It appears that another door to legal crime has opened wide and welcomed the slaughtering of black women via no knock warrants in their own homes, their own beds, while fast asleep….

These eyes can shed no more tears, but my heart and soul are rending and engulfed in a fiery agony once again. This grief is so very real. This grief is so very heavy. I see Breonna’s name when I look at my black family members and friends. I see my brown skin in the mirror and I wonder how long my lighter complexion will provide me with some extra protection. I look at the white people I know who have voiced how they are severely inconvenienced by wearing masks, and I wonder if they are even aware of the severity of this pandemic that parallels COVID this year and is plaguing my life and the lives of those dear to me.

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

When will this country wake up?

Part of me is inclined to think she straight up refuses to change so severely that she is actually incapable…. The other part of me clings to the scriptures and hopes I grew up with, and this idea that I’ve gravitated to in my young adult life that the imago dei within each of us will call us to one another if we would just listen….

Has America laid Lady Liberty into a deep drug induced sleep, accessorized with earplugs and a blindfold just in case?

People will only stand for injustice so long… our history shows when true justice is avoided, injustice is met with injustice over and over again until the heightened injustices result in such a tragic calamity that motions are met and either invoke a pivotal moment of change or restart the spiral of power and disaster.

I’ve written a poem / lament that I’m going to share here.Its definitely messy, and I’m sure I will have more poems in the coming days- but It feels appropriate to spill my grief out in this way tonight.

"Breonna Taylor (say her name)
Breonna Taylor (hear her name)
Breonna Taylor (see her name)
Breonna Taylor (had a name)

You woke up today and somehow came across this article. 

You woke up.

If you are reading this, I will safely assume that you did not awake to gunfire.
You did not have your last breath taken from you upon waking.

You woke up.

Unless you are terminally ill, or terminally black in the eyes of American law enforcement....
You will most likely awaken again tomorrow.

Breonna Taylor will never open her eyes again... Will the United States?

Will this nation I call home ever see the error of her ways?
When will she open her eyes to the egregious injustices she has inflicted upon these people-
(Her so called children!)
That she has violently raised and begrudgingly calls her own?
Will she continue to utilize murder and death as a form of communication-
Aided by the largely White American Church as her handmaiden?

Jesus, this is my lament!!
Jesus, this is my grief!!
Jesus this is my desire-
That you would open the eyes of those who claim your name
That you would make your presence known
To those who feel they're fighting in vain...
For you say that you will give us new hearts!
You say you will give us new spirits!
Take the heart of stone out of America's flesh,
May she love you and then so love her people!
May she see that we're all equal!
Shall 2020 lay waste to us
With all this needless bloodshed?

Breonna Taylor (say her name)
Breonna Taylor (hear her name)
Breonna Taylor (see her name)
Breonna Taylor (had a name)"

Poem Of Lament: Breonna Taylor 9-23-2020
Photo by Andrew Winkler on Unsplash

So where is the hope?

I don’t feel it at the moment.

I’m running low on love and light.

This may make me sound like a bad follower of Jesus to some…
Yet I am reminded of the story of Job- The one book of the bible dedicated to a man literally plagued by Satan; Who managed to keep his eyes on God even when his friends and life partner piled onto his pain. I am reminded of the iron grasp of Pharaoh that refused to let go without bloodshed. I am reminded of Jesus at the garden of Gethsemane. I am reminded that there is a whole book of Lamentations, and many laments even within the psalms.

I may not feel the hope; yet still I know that God will cross seas of the purportedly “righteous” to stand with the marginalized and the villainized.

***Curious about this topic of the “Justice System” within the United States and want to learn more?
I’d encourage you to watch the documentary “13th” by Ava Duvernay on Netflix or the movie “Just Mercy” which is based on a book by the same name by Bryan Stevenson. I’d also encourage you to seek out the John & Vera Mae Perkins Foundation if you are looking for something a little more faith based.***