Thanks to Kyle Cleveland @kyleclevelandphoto for making this photo available freely on Unsplash

This week Derek Chauvin was found guilty of murdering George Floyd.

I anticipated feeling relief, or a sense of hope, if Chauvin was found guilty. I anticipated sadness and anger if he was found innocent. When this guilty verdict was announced, I found myself blinking amidst a numbness…

“Will he do much time?”

“Will anything actually change?”

“Is this just to appease us?”

“Who will be the next to die?”

All thoughts that came to the forefront of my mind. I wanted to be celebratory- or at least feel hopeful for the future, of our country and for BIPOC in the United States- for us as Black people…. but instead I felt a gnarly gritted acknowledgement within me:

“I want to celebrate in this, but I feel like I cannot because it just feels like the bare minimum of what should be- not some huge victory.”

And that’s really where I find myself as I write this out.

Why should I be celebrating and feeling victorious over what is essentially a minuscule drop in a vast ocean of systemic racism? Does this “victory” truly matter? Of course- it has to matter when every step forward is such a fight… but to quote Andre Henry, “It doesn’t have to be this way.”

In the grand scheme of societal oppression, racially motivated unjust practices in policing are just a drop in the bucket. What’s so disgusting and overwhelming is that so many deaths, so much trauma, is systematically and generationally passed on through that one drop in the bucket. The rippling effects last for generations and cut short several lifetimes. Racially motivated unjust practices in policing are also only one part of an entirely twisted and corrupted “justice system” thats roots and branches go so very wide and so very deep…. intertwining to help create this very unjust fabric of our society.

While I’m encouraged by the fact that the jury and the judge did the right thing by declaring Derek Chauvin guilty, I am so weighted and exhausted by the fact that we had to wait a year with bated breath for the appropriate actions to be taken. I am so weighted and exhausted by the fact that this system makes it so difficult for the right things (for justice) to be carried out and to actually happen.

Bad and unjust policing is a problem.

The corrupted justice system is another.

Living with the continuation of and problems stemming from reoccurring generational trauma and abuse at the hands of such systems is enough to put anyone over the edge.

The connection I first saw between Daunte Wrights murder and the trial of Derek Chauvin was clear as day. The message that rang out from Minneapolis around the country was clear: People of color, and specifically Black people, are not safe near any presence of law enforcement in this country… not even amidst collective and communal grief. Not even amidst the threat of a societal breakdown. Not even with a trial surrounding the similar suspect actions of another officer.

Did you know George Floyd’s girlfriend was also Daunte Wrights teacher?

When I found out that there was a more direct connection between Daunte and George…. the line seemed to be even clearer. This is proof of systemic racism- this is the tangible and tangled web it weaves… systematically traumatizing people of color, and killing off any hope they may hold of a different or -dare we dream- better, future… one generation at a time.

And through that line it also became clearer to those around me that systemic racism harms white people too. Daunte’s mom was suddenly front and center- just like George’s girlfriend, sharing in the pain and suffering of having lost a loved one. Derek was front and center too- seemingly baffled at his verdict and treatment. And why wouldn’t he be? After all, this is the system that had allowed him to get away with this very same thing more than once before. This system has a history of upholding officers and protecting those who have done terrible and horrific things to Black Americans and other people of color all in the name of the law. This system has a history of punishing officers who step in to protect true victims or question their peers or superiors…. Why did it let Derek down this time?

I am tired of hoping for the bare minimum.

I am tired of celebrating these minuscule “victories” when our system needs to be dismantled, thrown away, and totally rebuilt. For all the years of police reform- THIS 1 guilty verdict is all we have to show? Why should I, a multiracial black woman, be grateful for this bare minimum?

It’s past time.

This is why we call for abolishing the police. This is why we say the system needs to be rebuilt and re-approached. This is why we continually say, “No Justice, No Peace”.