*Photo of Bella L. Taken by Brett Shivers in 2015*
Turning 30 hasn’t been the easiest thing for me this year- but here are some great things I’m thankful for that have revealed themselves during my some-what limited time of self reflection this month. Here are 10 things I’m glad I did in my 20s:
1. Completing 2 years of a volunteer / service program. For those of you who don’t know, I dropped out of college and spent 6 months at home. In that time I was trying to “het my life together”, and decided to chance it all on a program called Mission Year– which is now one of the programs offered by an organization called The Simple Way. My time with Mission Year was certainly life changing- no doubt! And it was key in my growing into the person I am today. It’s definitely a risk to give up a year or two of your life to a volunteer program, but it’s a risk that only enhanced my skills and helped to bring me into a fullness of self that I had yet to experience And probably never would have without it.
2. Giving 5+ years of my life fully devoted to community & ministry. Including my time with Mission Year, my partner (Freddie) and I also served on staff at a very community oriented church in Philadelphia. This time stretched me, as a professional / a mentor / a friend / and my personal beliefs and worldview. It pushed me to grow in my understanding of what it meant to lead and what it meant to simultaneously love and live in / through community. This time in ministry brought about more questions- and tough ones at that! It honestly helped me through another journey I will list next…
3. Deconstructing my faith / spirituality and political beliefs. “But Bella- you spent time in ministry?? What do you mean you’ve deconstructed?” Oh Honey- deconstruction is not a dirty word! There is absolutely nothing wrong with peeling back the layers of your spirituality or even your worldview and seeing what still stands. Even Nehemiah had to tear some things down before he could rebuild! Being able to deconstruct things and process with people who legitimately cared about me and were not afraid to ask questions alongside of me is probably one of the most invaluable things I have ever been through and learned from. I’m also glad this is something that happened in my 20s while I was still resilient and willing to do the work to become a better rather than bitter person. While I feel like the bulk of my deconstruction is done, I still have to take down a misplaced brick here and there as I’ve begun reconstructing… another chapter of life I am looking forward too.
4. Putting in the work to build healthy relationships of all kinds. This is something that might sound cliche, but honestly I am so glad I started in on this while in my 20s so I have more freedom and don’t have as much baggage to carry with me into my 30s. Don’t get me wrong- this hasn’t been easy. Learning how to craft and put up boundaries that didn’t exist before- and reinforce them- is difficult. Taking time to learn about and purposely work on navigating relationships in a healthy way regardless of the context (romantic, family, friends, workplace), is not for the faint of heart. So far though, it has all been worth it. From the difficult conversations to researching and learning about attachment theory, nothing has brought me stronger relationships or more clearly separated what is or is not necessary.
5. Moving across the country via road-trip. What better time to do something like this than in your 20s?? Our big road-trip is something I will never forget! I have lots of lovely memories with Freddie and Patches- and of our friends and family spread out through the country. We got to see the beauty and diversity of this countries terrain, people, and weather. It gave us time to just take in the sights, relax, and dream. We took 2.5 weeks to do the trip just so we could visit so many people… and every step was worth it.
6. Making intentional visits to both of my last living great grandmothers. The year we got married, we spent Christmas with my maternal grandfathers mother in California. I got to have some special conversations with her about family and faith; and she was able to meet my husband for the first and only time. During my 20s I also was able to visit several times with my maternal grandmothers mother. These are things I will always cherish because 1. They were both very special and wise women, and 2. I’ve dreamed of being a grandmother and great grandmother since I was like 4… the best way to learn would be from the pros! 1 who lived into her 90s, and the other well into her 80s.
7. Intentionally striving towards peace with my own body. I spent so long hating my body… as a young girl, as a teen, and in early adulthood. By the time I turned 26, I was dealing with intense chronic pain from a couple injuries and a ski lift fall in elementary school, and kidney stone pain. I was dealing with undiagnosed PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), other corresponding conditions, and infertility. In my early 20s alone I had gone from 125lbs to 282lbs, and more recently back down to around 190lbs. This body has felt awkward and uncomfortable, faced abuse and disordered eating, said #metoo, been in fights, been laughed at and made fun of, gone through workouts and diets, been poked and prodded by doctors, been broken, bled profusely, and been told she’s not good / thin / beautiful enough. At 26 I made a conscious decision to choose to love her unconditionally- and that’s the only choice that has helped me lean into breaking the cycles, and bad habits, and accepting her at her current size / weight / condition. It doesn’t mean I don’t slip up some days and self depreciate, but it does mean I’ve started laying the groundwork for and continue to ultimately choose peace within her and to see the divine God has blessed her with.
8. Beginning my menstrual cup journey. Honestly, I kinda wish I had learned about menstrual cups sooner! As a woman with a lot of reproductive health complications, anything to make living this life in my body easier or happier or more manageable has been a plus! The menstrual cup journey has led me to being better in tune with my body and helping me with choosing that peace- but it’s also made a very stressful part of my life sometimes even enjoyable.
9. Taken risky risks and trying new things. Hear me out on this one, every big risk I have taken during my 20s has been worth it. Trying a long distance romantic relationship while in a service program? Getting married at 23? Moving to a new city with an empty bank account? Accepting an interview for a job I never applied to from the “Director” hanging out in a Panera? Moving during a pandemic? Applying for an experienced job in a field I’ve never worked in? All of these things sound like terrible ideas that could lead to some pretty awful outcomes… and while they all definitely could have ended catastrophically- I actually paid attention to my intuition and leaned into the risk. Now I wouldn’t suggest these particular things for other people- but I’d encourage them to look at their lives and see where maybe they are refusing to take a risk that they’ve been feeling internal pressure about or that’s outside of their typical comfort zone. Sometimes all it takes is giving something a chance…. Whether that be trying a new kind of food, a different hairstyle, a new job, or moving somewhere new. What better time to try than in your 20s?
10. Pursued social justice on an individual level as well as collective level. This has helped me to find my voice, speak / write my truth, and love louder just as I have fought and shouted louder “No Justice, No Peace. Know Justice, Know Peace”. This is something I plan on continuing well throughout my life- but having started in my 20s, having been able to connect and network and be a part of disruptions and solutions with many others has been a big area of learning and growth for me.
If you would like to learn more or hear more corresponding stories about any of these 10 areas / things, leave a comment below! They may be topics for expanded blog posts in the future.
La Bella Journeys: 