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One of the most frustrating questions others have asked me in regards to my faith: What is God saying?

One of the most comforting questions others have asked me in regards to my faith: What is God saying?

One of the most intense questions others have asked me in regards to my faith: What is God saying?

There have been times in my life where I’ve experienced the holy spirit moving and God’s prophetic words emanate forth from my mouth. Not for anything I’ve done, not for who I am, but because I was a willing vessel and God had something to say.

There have been times in my life where I have been comforted and gently reminded of the things God had previously done in my life or previously promised me. These have been some of the sweetest moments, within my community and in my faith. A reminder of the goodness and greatness of God. A reminder that no matter what things look like in the natural, God had told me *Insert whatever it was here*, and a way had already been made.

And then there have been times… Times where this question is asked with great intentions or such simplicity… and my heart and mind only have the hollowest of echoes in response. What is God saying? In these moments, I become frustrated and tired. In the moments where it feels like I’ve been knocking on heavens doors forever just waiting for a word. When it feels like every sermon, every bible study, every thing I read, everything I pray, everywhere I seek….. everything falls flat. The question: “What is God saying? What is God saying to you?” becomes more of an internalized: “God, what are you saying? Are you speaking? Are you saying anything at all? Are we even on speaking terms right now- because I’m feeling at a loss and neglected! Say something? Anything?”

What do we do when we feel like we have reached out into the void, called out with our loudest voice, and there is no response?

Of course, there are the famous words I’ve heard from many a pulpit: “If he isn’t giving a yes or a no, God is saying not yet.”, but when that doesn’t apply to your situation (or seem too)… what then?

I can tell you that in the past I’ve practiced listening. Quieting my mind enough after prayer that nothing is there at all- that the buzzing of my internal dialogue has grown still. And sometimes in this space I hear God speak loudly. Sometimes quietly. And still sometimes I hear nothing at all. In my humanness, I wan’t answers or an audible voice to fall from heaven and tell me whatever it is I need… But God is not some kind of sky Santa waiting to pull answers out for us from his big red bag. Or gold bag. Or purple. Anyway, the point being that regardless of whatever color we think the bag is, its not there. God is not bound to working within our timeline or in our conventional ways of conversation and story telling, even though it is quite convenient to my human nature when God chooses to do so.

I’m in that place now by the way.
The frustrating one.
“What is God saying?”
The heck if I know!

I’ve been asking God to say something in this season and in all honesty, I’ve been feeling blown off. Surely this must be how people felt in biblical times when Jesus responded with silence. What I keep being led back to is a different way to ask myself the question. A way in which leads me back to minor comfort and minor hope, neither of which stood a chance against my attitude from before.
The question becomes: “Well, What has God said in the past?”

And in asking myself that question…
I have to ask a few more:
“And what has God done?”
“When you felt this way before, what came out of it? How did God move?”
“If God has done all that, moved on your behalf at all, is it possible that God will do it- God will move- again?”

I am not an expert.

My faith has always been firstly personal, and secondly communal.

I rarely have the answers.

But what I do know is this: The one who does have the answers has never left me, nor forsaken me. The moments that have looked like this before, at the time seemingly dragged on and on and on… and yet they have still had a purpose. They haven’t been in vain. So, while the frustration isn’t going anywhere anytime soon and still lingers on my soul like the scent of day old coffee, there is hope. Comfort can be found in the pages of old journals, reminiscing with old tears and ink stains to remind my heart and soul where they have been. And while the frustration does not budge, there is now also expectation. Waiting with expectation… isn’t that what so much of the bible is about?

If this post resonates with you, I am sorry. I say this while laughing through slightly gritted teeth. I am sorry… I am sorry for the frustration, the discomfort, and the loud quiet. This may just be a rough part of our journey. I hope you can take comfort in the rephrasing of the question. I hope that you can take comfort in knowing you are not alone in the experience. I hope you can look back and see where God has moved and see what God has done up til now… and be encouraged.