Hi everyone,

I know it’s been a minute since I have done a blog post. I wanted to share the memorial post for my dad I shared on social media earlier this week, and links to the podcast I recorded that same day. I’m putting a lot of energy and time into the podcast and a few other projects- so more is coming- but the blogposts have slowed. Consider this a little update.

On the podcast this week I discuss grief, specifically the childhood grief I have had following the death of my father in 1997. I share a little bit of the story around how I experienced this loss in the past and how it effects me in present day.

I’d love to engage with others who might have questions or are looking at finally trying to process their own issues and thoughts around loss and grief. Feel free to comment below or on the podcast episode linked at the end of this post.

“3.12.1997

A day that will forever be burned into my brain.

It doesn’t seem fair that those memories are as clear as present day in my minds eye, but the memories I got to experience with my dad grow less vibrant every passing year. Man, did I love you dad. I still do.

Picture 1 is of my dad and his grandfather, Papa Wally. I look at this picture and hear my dad’s loud and joy filled laugh. I hear Papa Wally’s sarcastic jokes followed by a dry chuckle. 2 men that showed love in different ways, but damn- you could feel it.

#2 is right after I was born. I was early. God gave me more time to experience who my dad was, and I’m grateful. He was gentle and loving, and full of joy- and stern when he needed to be. I was never scared or fearful when he was serious- even when I was in trouble. He was consistently himself.

# 3 is 5 year old me not long after he died. You can see the hollowness in my expression. There was not much light during that time.

Here I am, 27 years after dad’s death, 1 year older than he was when he died. It’s a strange feeling to realize this. I never imagined outliving my parents, certainly not surpassing them in lived years. It is strange how the grief has changed shape & in some ways grown with me.

As an adult, I take this anniversary off each year to remember. My cultural upbringing didn’t have a day to honor or remember those passed, no traditions to hold onto in that regard, so I’ve created my own. I look at photos. I think through memories. I thank God for the time that we had. I thank God for who my dad was- I’ve never heard a single person say a bad or negative word about him. I know he wasn’t perfect- he was fallible- but that’s got to be some kind of record.

He loved Carman, power rangers, fishing, dance parties in the living room. He loved our family & was never afraid to show it. He put me on my first set of skis in a bumpy driveway. I wonder how he would see me and my life now. I wonder what kind of conversations we’d have, what our relationship would be like. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes that all feels so far away, and sometimes it feels too close.

I miss you Dad.

♥️ Isabella”

Listen to my podcast episode: The Truth Is… Grief Shapeshifts, also available on Youtube, Spotify, & Amazon!