***Originally posted to Gist App by @labellajourneys / Bella L
⚠️TW: Discussion of abuse and sexual assault
Let’s all collectively take a deep breath before you read this:
Breathe in.
Hold.
Breathe out.
Okay- so social media has been a land mine of triggers for many of us lately.
From documentaries like Death of a Pastor’s Wife and Trust Me, to the news about the Cornel 57, and all of the publicly blasted opinions and personal stories being shared in relation to any of it…
-phew-
It’s a lot.
It’s easy to become over-consumed by all of it while simply trying to stay informed, learn, and understand what is happening around us. It’s also easy to become overwhelmed by the constant stream of stories, opinions, and revelations, especially when those stories hit close to home. Sometimes, it can even leave us feeling unsafe in a world where we are already trying to maintain our footing… and our sanity.
But I actually came here today because I wanted to raise a hand and say something.
If any of this has been bringing things up for you, if you’ve found yourself struggling to process what you’re seeing and hearing, or if someone else’s story has stirred up pieces of your own that you weren’t prepared to sit with today, I’m willing to listen.
I’m willing to process with you. To sit with you in the hard things. To make space for the feelings that might not make sense yet, the questions you don’t know how to ask, and the things you might not be ready to say out loud.
I’ve been there.
As a woman who has experienced sexual trauma in both childhood and young adulthood…
As someone who went to a “safe” adult as a child with the trauma I experienced, only to be dismissed and made to feel crazy about it, and unsafe to talk about what had happened…
As someone who had a “safe” adult use my trauma against me for years…
I know what it can feel like to need someone to listen and instead be met with dismissal, shame, or harm. I know that the people and places we expect to be safe are not always safe for us. And I know that being hurt is one thing, but having your experience questioned, minimized, or used against you can add another layer of pain that you should never have had to carry.
With social media it is easy to almost get lulled as a trauma survivor into a false sense of security to safely share… and then the commentators come to feed. Or sometimes we appeal to the logic and empathy we hope others have and we think sharing our story can convince the people we know (and maybe even people we don’t) to finally see and believe others… and to finally believe us… only to realize that it wasn’t safe to share our stories in the first place.
I cannot change what happened to me. I cannot go back and give my younger self the responses, protection, and care that she deserved.
But I can choose what I do with what I’ve lived through.
So I am committed to being a safe space for others to bring their pain, their stories, and their processing. I want to be someone who listens without demanding that you have to prove what happened to you, justify your feelings, or tell your story in a way that makes the listener comfortable.
I am committed to helping seek out resources, counselors, and organizations for those who want them. Sometimes, having someone sit with you, physically or virtually, is what you need. Sometimes, you need practical help finding the next step. Sometimes, you need someone to help you figure out where to even begin.
And I am committed to speaking out and taking action where I can against systems that perpetuate, foster, or allow violence against others to occur… especially when those systems have little interest in changing or becoming safer for the most vulnerable among us.
Because being a safe person is not just about what we say. It is also about what we are willing to do, what we are willing to confront, and what we are willing to change. It’s about speaking up for someone when they aren’t even in the room. Or the group chat.
I don’t care what your gender or age is. If you’ve experienced sexual trauma, you deserve a safe place to be seen. Your story deserves to be heard. You deserve access to people, resources, and support that can help you heal… And you do not have to do that on anyone else’s timeline but your own.
You do not have to share your story before you are ready. You do not have to have all the right words. You do not have to know what healing is supposed to look like for you. You do not have to make your experiences easier for other people to hear or understand.
And if it feels easier to start with someone who isn’t me, or someone virtually who doesn’t know you personally, that is more than okay.
You can visit Find A Helpline ( https://findahelpline.com/countries/us/topics/sexual-abuse ) to find support related to sexual abuse in the United States. The site can help connect you with someone to text, call, or chat with online.
Please know that reaching out for support does not mean you have to be ready to talk about everything. You can start wherever you are.
Like any trauma, healing often becomes a lifelong process. There may be things you revisit years later, new layers to work through, or days when something you thought you had made peace with suddenly hurts again. That does not mean you have failed at healing.
It means you are human.
And while I will never pretend that healing is simple, linear, or easy, I do believe it is possible for things to get better.
There is room for healing. There is room for hope. There are people who will listen, who will believe you, and who will sit with you in the hard things without making you feel like your pain is too much.
If you are carrying something heavy right now, you do not have to carry it alone.
You deserve to be heard.
You deserve to be safe.
There is hope.
